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Mar. 27, 2009
Teens targeted in crack down on emissions
A school bus driver in Florida suspended an eighth-grader from the bus for passing so much gas that it became difficult to breathe. According to the article, the teen was purposely emitting the stench just to make other passengers laugh. In defense of the offending teen, it could have been the hysterical laughing that made it hard for the victims to breathe. As a girl in a house full of boys, I am well aware of the uncontrollable laughter a fit of gastrointestinal vapor release can cause. Not only is the act itself apparently funny to boys of all ages, but there are a variety of sounds that can be emulated at the moment of release as well. There are the weed whacker, the car backfire and the firecracker dud, just to name a few. Now, if the issue was indeed foul fragrance, then there were other offenders on that bus that should have also been suspended. There were the teens that, after up to ten years of bus-riding experience, had the knowledge and experience to operate the windows. Someone could have cracked a window to allow the stench to escape before rendering the driver's air un-breathable. Is it even possible for one person to create that much gas? Or were there accomplices strategically placed throughout the bus? The offending teen could have instructed friends to drop silent but deadly emissions at timed intervals throughout the ride. What about the responsibility of the offending teen's parents? These are the people who provided the child with gas-producing foods. Clearly the teen would have to have practically unlimited access to beans and other problematic foods to be able to produce that much high-odor flatulence. Maybe the child eats lunch every day on campus. Maybe the school is partly to blame. Someone needs to take a close look at the menu from the school cafeteria and evaluate it for its ability to cause gastrointestinal issues. At least the child wasn't actually arrested, like the 13-year-old in another school in Florida. The very same article reported that the younger teen was actually arrested last fall because the child "broke wind" in class. Florida seems to really be cracking down on gas emissions, targeting teenagers in their efforts. I felt it prudent to warn my own children, just in case our state decides to enact a similar campaign. My children would surely be among the first prosecuted. Especially if level of scent was considered by the arresting officers. Once this type of enforcement catches on, I fear that the next target for the flatulence patrol will be our retired citizens. After teens and pre-teens, I believe it is our older, wiser generation that feels free to break wind as needed. While teens tend to let them rip to entertain themselves and those around them, our older folks let loose because they've earned it. I would be devastated if I read that grandparents were being arrested in grocery stores and churches for temporarily changing the air quality. Hopefully it won't come to that. But these days, you just never know. Therefore, we must all remember that the stench of gas will dissipate and does not need to cause breathing problems. Just don't forget to crack a window. As for those who are unable to control their flatulence on a crowded elevator, you're on your own. Those who ruin enclosed elevator air should have to pay for their crime. In my humble opinion, it is the elevator-offenders should be the target of the crack down. All laughing and gas releasing aside, the following important message is also posted on my blog, which can be accessed on www.arkansasnews.com: It is now spring, and many folks are preparing to jump into your spring cleaning activities -- including car maintenance. As you drain the anti-freeze from your car and replace it with the appropriate spring/summer alternative, please, please, PLEASE do not leave any anti-freeze unattended. Our beloved Tiger, an eight-year-old tabby, ingested some of the toxin Saturday morning. He died about 16 hours later. Everyone in our neighborhood loved Tiger -- a very friendly, affectionate cat. We know that this tragedy was an unintentional accident. It broke our hearts to lose Tiger. He was part of our family -- a wonderful, loyal caring companion to Hubby, our boys and me. Tiger will be greatly missed. Again, as you are out and about transitioning to spring and summer, please do not leave products with harmful, toxic chemicals -- like anti-freeze -- unattended. You never know when a beloved pet or even a small child might happen by and accidentally ingest the poison. Micki Bare is a columnist for the Arkansas News Bureau and the Courier-Tribune in Asheboro, N.C., and author of the book, "Relative Expressions." She lives in Asheboro with her husband and three children. Her e-mail address is mickibare@inspiredscribe.com |
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