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Top Story

Apr. 01, 2009

Pro football: Not just a lot of hot air



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First, there was NASCAR Sprint Cup racing at the Spring Mountain Motorsports Ranch, then the LPGA tour at the Sheri's Ranch and Spa golf course.

Now, there will be a United Football League team in the Pahrump Valley. As a companion team that will play in Las Vegas, Pahrump Valley -- its team to be known as the Blimps -- is on the list of cities to join the UFL in 2010.

The Blimps reportedly will play at Pahrump Valley High School, which will have its field re-surfaced by materials recycled from abandoned blimps. Retired Goodyear blimps will be used, which will account for the blue and yellow tint on the playing surface.

Although the location hasn't been confirmed, there are reports the field will be located somewhere in Johnnie or on East Mesquite.

A coach has already been named. He is Brad Von Frohman, a descendant of Baron Von Frohman, one of the great aeronauts in airship history. The Baron was heir to a vast industrial empire, so money, even in these difficult economic times, will not be a problem.

The team colors will be olive drab, brown and brass, with uniforms made from refined canvas. The uniform will include brass goggles (so that opposing players cannot see the whites of their eyes), captains mid-calf boots, instead of the standard Nikes, with trench coats covering white Sinclair Edwardian club collar shirts.

The head gear will be the standard leather cap with ear flaps, black in color.

Assistant coaches will be Chad Zeppelin, Sam Cargo, Peter Von Stroheim, Errol Flintstone, Caesar (no last name) and Marc Thespot. Zeppelin is currently in Europe, observing players in the NFL European League.

Actually, that league isn't playing anymore, which accounts for why Zeppelin is spending much of his time in the Monte Carlo casinos; ex-NFL-Europers gotta make a buck somehow.

"If they're not in the casinos, they're on the beaches," said Zeppelin. "Which is good, since we're going to have a dance team. Maybe there are a few ladies who would like to join the Dirigi-Belles -- that's our dance team's name."

Dance teams and cheerleaders (to be known as the Hangarettes), colors will be fuchsia and teal for the spirit squad.

The Cleveland Browns have their "Dog Pound." Pahrump Valley will have its "Gas-Bags." The Blimps have announced they will have an extensive line of souvenirs, some of which will go on sale on the team's Web site.

The Web site, incidentally, will be up and running later this week. The site is www. hotairwillgiveyoukicks.com.

To order tickets, connect to a link on the Web site. The costs?

For a set of four season 50-yard line ticket and unlimited free rides on the team's blimp: $45,212.04.

For a set of four half-season tickets on the 49-yard line: $54,000.23. For a set of eight half-season tickets on the 48-yard line: If you ask how much they cost, you can't afford them.

Bleacher seats for "Gas Bag" members will cost $42.33 per inch per game. Which means if a bleacher seat is 17 inches wide, the cost will be eight games times 17 inches times $42.33 per inch. If you can figure out the cost, go for it.

There are going to be field-side seats, which are extensions of the benches the players use. Those seats will cost nothing, but buyers have to be insured up to $1 million. Proof of insurance will be necessary.

The team owners won't reveal their names, following in the tradition of past Pahrump enterprises, not the least of which was creating the city of Sunrise. Sunrise? Now that would be a terrific location for the Blimps ... hot air and all.










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