TERRI SCHLICHENMEYER The Bookworm Sez Advertisement

Last night was the last straw.

You reminded your spouse about something that you've mentioned a dozen times before, but your beloved forgot again and there was a blow-up.

Sure, stress reigns in your life right now. Money's tight, jobs are shaky, you've got bills to pay, kids to feed, car payments, housing. Yeah, life is tough, but that's no excuse. Why didn't your life's partner listen for once?

Author John Gray says it's because men and women have different ways of dealing with stress. Listen to his new audio CD, because when we know "Why Mars and Venus Collide," we can fix the problem and have more than once-in-a-blue-moon peace in our homes.

For several years, Gray has had us wondering if men and women are from different planets. Women want to discuss feelings, men want to just fix problems, quick. Men don't listen, women blah-blah-blah too much. He doesn't support her, she's too much of a perfectionist.

Do we need to book a flight with NASA to figure this out?

Gray says the solution starts with understanding that our brains are physically dissimilar and that we're biologically different, particularly in the hormone department.

Men have more testosterone in their bodies, which gives them fight-or-flight wiring.

It's not that they aren't supportive when they zone out or forget things; it's that their brains are different and their sense of well-being might be suppressed. They need to relax and re-charge before charging forward.

Women have more oxytocin -- the "cuddle hormone" -- in their bodies, which gives them their sense of calmness. If a woman's oxytocin supply is empty, stress rises and she's unhappy.

Gray says she needs to learn to refill her own "well" long before she asks her spouse for his input.

While I was pleased to hear author Gray reading his own work here, I was less than thrilled about the overgeneralities in this his latest work on the differences between men and women.

I took umbrage at several of Gray's thoughts, mostly because they seemed stereotypical.

Not all women are whirling dervishes of after-office activity. Many men are darn good listeners. To suggest that women make a salon appointment or go shopping with friends to feel better about their relationship is almost insulting.

Gray assumes a lot about men and women today, and many of those assumptions are out of touch.

To my ears, Gray says the same thing here that he's been saying for years: We are different but the same. We hate fighting. We want to be loved and heard. We can learn to get along.

Toward the end of his audiobook, he offers ideas about doing that, but it's a struggle to listen that far.

I think if you need a relationship refresher-course and haven't listened to any of the other John Gray works before, then "Why Mars & Venus Collide" will give you some food for thought. If you've been around the world a time or two, though, your own down to Earth common sense will work just as well.

"Why Mars & Venus Collide", written and read by John Gray, HarperAudio, $22.95, three and a half hours, abridged -- 3 CDs.