MARK SMITH MORE COLUMNS Advertisement

The recent get-together at the Nugget about "branding" Pahrump was intriguing.

Just sitting there, listening to Roger Brooks talk about what is actually involved, I easily jotted down a dozen or so problems Pahrump will have.

So perhaps the first thing the Chamber needs to do is listen to the people and determine whether the town actually wants to be "branded."

Also, as was clear from the audience reaction to one question, what already "brands" Pahrump, is the last thing many townspeople want to claim for it as a visitor destination -- the brothels.

Keith Froehling went so far as to remark that the town is working to "combat" the brothels.

Well, maybe some townspeople. Many are respectful of the brothels and are on the record as supporting them. They are, after all, fully legal businesses as recognized by the state, Sheriff Tony DeMeo's men and women, and the county commissioners.

They're as legal as Flagman's six-guns and are likely to stay that way, and trying to find ways to "combat" them is no different from trying to "combat" casino gambling, and about as likely to succeed.

But here is a list that, just off the top of my head, are some problems in "selling" Pahrump:

* No brand-name sit-down restaurants a la Applebees, Olive Garden or Chili's.

* For most of the summer the place is too hot and dusty to attract visitors who aren't unhinged or masochistic, or both.

* No serious shopping available (and no, Wal-Mart doesn't count).

* Las Vegas is right over the hump.

* The place looks like a thrown-together commercial strip along Highway 160, with the handsome Hafen Center and the First Nevada Bank cheek by jowl with a doublewide occupied by an yet another psychic.

* Too many old-line politicians/businessmen who want nothing to do with change, even despite their own best interests.

* There is no recognized, or even recognizable, downtown.

* Gambrel roofs on numerous buildings. Gambrel roofs look awful and should be removed.

* Utilitarian architecture that lacks anything remotely resembling character. Really, there is only so much you can do with sheet-metal siding.

* Nowhere near enough motel or hotel rooms.

* No movie theaters.

* And perhaps above all else, we're not on Highway 95. We have no airport, no train station, and we sure don't have a seaport.

(As a digression, I am amazed at the frequency with which some people refer to "Interstate 95." That is a multi-lane road from Maine to Miami, and it is not here. Highway 95 is simply a U.S. highway, no more than that. What really boggles me is the car dealer in Vegas who use the interstate logo to advertise the "95" idea.)

The other afternoon while I was sipping a decaf at Lois Layne's, a German visitor strolled over and wondered where he could find tourist information. Given that it was after business hours, I was at a loss, and I shouldn't have been. Such info ought to be available at all hours, on the main drag, and not just at the Community Center.

He was looking for Death Valley and decided to stay overnight, then continue on in the morning. He made no mention of the possibility that he might expect to find something to do here.

How many places here have a Death Valley section of brochures, etc. available for tourists? How many advertise it up front?

This town could string large, colorful banners across Main Street to point the way, but what does it have instead?

Banners on the utility poles along East Calvada ... which can be seen from only the one side when you're on the one-way section. Someone deserves a real hand for thinking that one up.

What good are the other side of the banners? So the wrong-way drivers can know the way?

Consider the advent of a busload of visitors at Albertson's some sunny morning.

The bus stops, the people swarm out and go to the supermarket. They order coffee and buy some snacks. A couple might wander along the shops or drop in at the drugstore. Then they load back up and head for Death Valley.

Pahrump -- get your coffee here.

Boy, did their visit help the local economy or what?

A lot of what Brooks talked about was actually pretty mundane, or as he put it, "It doesn't have to be sexy to be effective."

The fairgrounds came up for a bit of comment, but no one could suggest when ground might actually be broken for -- and these are quotes, so remember them -- the "massive plan for an equestrian center" and the "field of dreams" baseball camp and the 400-room hotel and the water park and the performing arts center and the nine-hole, par-three golf course.

What Pahrump needs, said Brooks, is three basic things: places to live, places to work, and places to hang out.

In the end, it's our choice to make sure whether those places are developed.