TERRI SCHLICHENMEYER The Bookworm Sez Advertisement

Even despite the housing crunch, it's the American Dream: a little house in a nice neighborhood, with a family room, a big kitchen and a lawn to mow.

Who doesn't want a home of their own?

Who would turn down a permanent address, a place where you can knock out walls if you want, because it's yours?

To paraphrase George Carlin, who doesn't want a really big box to put their stuff in?

In the new book, "The House Always Wins" by Marni Jameson, you'll see that when you get the keys to your new home, you don't really own that house.

The house owns you.

When her husband, Dan, mentioned that he wanted to own a business out of state, Marni Jameson's first thought was about leaving the home she loved. But Dan sealed the deal with a tantalizing temptation: a brand-new house.

The first big choice for Jameson was the need to decide if was she up to the challenge of building, or would she be happier in an older, already-existing house in an established neighborhood?

Could she -- could their marriage -- withstand the pressures of decorating a clean slate?

Jameson chose to go with a brand-new house.

Dozens of home decorating magazines gave their metaphoric lives before the last nail was hammered, but Jameson was nearly paralyzed with indecision.

After several dizzying days of doubt, Jameson hired a decorator who helped her "find her style" and set her (basically good) ideas in the right direction.

First lesson: no matter what she did, her house would never look like the pictures in the magazines.

Still, Jameson learned how to pick the right color for each of her rooms, and how to complement colors with carpet, countertops, and cabinetry. She learned that there were dozens of options for window treatments (with dozens of prices), and that accessories weren't always the last things to go into a room.

She took advantage of her ever-patient husband, she decorated and un-decorated for her kids, and when she was done, she set her sights on the outside of her almost-perfect, never finished home.

While "The House Always Wins" was a fun book and is loaded with lots of good advice, a few chuckles, and plenty of useable sidebars, I couldn't help but think that most of us are going to be left scratching our heads.

To use a $100-an-hour decorating consultant to help winnow through too many choices makes sense, but it seemed silly to me to ask for a two-hour consult to decide what kitschy gewgaws go above a kitchen cabinet.

Relaxing and enjoying your home is why you decorate in the first place, but a five-figure home theater seems like a ticket to bankruptcy for many folks. Seven hundred dollars for silk flowers is a whole lot of green for a whole lot of people.

If you're willing to overlook the overbudgeting in "The House Always Wins," you'll get some great ideas for interior decorating. Just be aware that your wallet may be the biggest loser of all.

"The House Always Wins" by Marni Jameson, DaCapo LifeLong, $25, 334 pages, includes index.