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When relatives on Dad's side get together, Aunt Phyl used to bring her famous cheesecake. But some time ago, she reached the age at which one is no longer obligated to bring a covered dish. I miss the cheesecake.

It would be really nice to receive a copy of the recipe one day -- something I'm sure several generations will receive at the luncheon after her funeral. But I'm not holding my breath. She might be in her mid-90s, but a funeral for Aunt Phyl is a long, long way off. She is quite healthy and sharp as a tack.

The cheesecake recipe would be nice to own, but what I really crave is her recipe for a long, happy, vibrant life. Aunt Phyl already shares that one with us -- just not in so many words. But I've been paying attention and I think I'm starting to get it.

Several years ago, I wrote about Aunt Phyl's first kayaking adventure. She and my grandmother hit the lake in their sexy bathing suits -- hey, widows enjoy turning a head or two just as much as their younger counterparts -- and tried something new. I deduced from that escapade that trying new things helps to keep one young at heart.

But there is more to the recipe than that. One exciting outing won't necessarily trigger longevity. So I keep in close touch with Aunt Phyl. Her letters, handwritten on elegant stationary, have contributed even more to her recipe for a long and happy life.

I learned from her correspondences that she bought some African drums about a year ago and began learning how to play. She took some lessons, bought a book and now practices regularly. She not only learned how to play an instrument, but also broadened her knowledge of another culture.

Aunt Phyl is working on her memoirs. She writes a little each day, recounting memories that span nearly a century. The more she writes, the more she remembers. Recently, as I was paging through some of her excerpts, my ancestry vividly came to life. I poured through descriptive anecdotes -- similar in tone to many of the columns I've penned through the years.

For feedback and direction with her writing, Aunt Phyl turns to her writers' group. She shares her projects and learns from others. She gets quite a few compliments, as well. Her group, like most, also hands out assignments. For a recent assignment, she was to write a poem about a new experience.

Aunt Phyl solicited the help of her sister, my grandmother. The two women hit the streets, or rather the mall. Before long, a poem was born.

The poem was simple and straightforward. To ensure the perfect atmosphere, Aunt Phyl showed up at her next writers' group meeting donning a blond wig and silky dress. The group was buzzing long before she stood to read her latest work.

When she recalls her reading, she proudly ends with, "and I brought the house down!" The laughter and applaud were thunderous. I felt a pang of sorrow for the poor sap who had to bravely follow Aunt Phyl's performance.

Her poem described a conversation she had in her mind about a piece of clothing she'd never cared to purchase or wear. But the fact that the item was popular peaked her curiosity. She'd assumed that the garment would be uncomfortable. However, when she decided to try it, it was quite comfortable indeed.

After sharing the poem and her performance at the meeting with four generations of relatives over fried turkey, barbecued ribs, burgers and dogs, seven-layer salad, baked beans, baked ziti, strawberry rhubarb pie and countless other desserts, Aunt Phyl proudly announced to the group, "And I'm wearing it right now!"

Jaws dropped and cheeks burned with blush at the realization that Aunt Phyl was, in fact, wearing her new brightly colored, extremely comfortable thong.

Not even the fireworks that came later that evening could evoke a reaction like that one shocking moment of Aunt Phyl "sharing" her latest new thing.

So take note. I believe the recipe for staying sharp and living long goes something like this: 3 cups of adventure, 3 cups of learning, 3 cups of trying new stuff, 3 cups of recollecting and 3 cups of humor. Mix thoroughly and share with everyone. For a well-balanced, long life, use this recipe frequently and pass it along to everyone you know.

Micki Bare is a columnist for the Arkansas News Bureau and the Courier-Tribune in Asheboro, N.C., and author of the book, "Relative Expressions." She lives in Asheboro with her husband and three children. Her e-mail address is mickibare@inspiredscribe.com.