Many people can't sing "ho, ho, ho" over Christmas time or joyfully make a toast to "Auld Lang Syne" on New Year's Eve like everyone else.

The painful memories of a lost loved one can come back to haunt people more over the holidays, a time to reminisce about years gone by. For these people, it won't be the traditional Currier and Ives Christmas or the same family occasion around the Christmas tree.

The Nathan Adelson Hospice has devoted its weekly grieving sessions this time of year to holiday depression. Facilitator Julie Platson said her most common complaint is from people who feel pressured by family to celebrate Christmas in the usual fashion.

"We've been focusing on specifically the challenges of getting through the holidays because there's a lot of pressure," Platson said. "Everybody's pressured for the perfect experience, and you're pressured to go through the holidays with families, the way things were."

Sometimes doing things the same way can conjure up those painful memories of a Christmas without a spouse. Platson suggests those people try something different over the holidays.

"A lot of people are expected to do the same. It's really difficult for people that are grieving a lot, because they don't feel like doing that, they don't want to celebrate," she said.

Counselors in the weekly session at Nathan Adelson Hospice hand out a sheet with advice from Dr. Judy Tatelbaum, a psychotherapist. She suggests if celebrating the holidays seems too difficult, to go somewhere, like snow skiing, visiting a resort or a different city. The more people try to recreate the past, the more obvious is the loss.

People attending the weekly sessions want someone with time and patience to listen to their concerns that friends and family members may not have, Platson said. It helps to talk with others with similar problems.

"A lot of people, this is their first Christmas (alone). The loss might have been last year," she said. "A lot of times somebody has lost someone 10, 15 years ago. It was just all the memories, the way things used to be because you're bombarded with things about the family, Norman Rockwell holiday settings."

A handout on survival strategies for the holiday season includes a suggestion that those grieving over loved ones be kind to themselves. They should choose what's best for them, whether to be immersed in the holiday spirit or not.

"A lot of it's finding a way to express your feelings honestly and taking care of yourself, finding somebody that can be supportive of you, and a lot of times you get around people and they tend to pull us down instead of giving support," Platson said.

People shouldn't be afraid to speak up and say what they want over the holidays, Platson said, which isn't always easy to do with family.

"You shouldn't be alone on the holidays but sometimes, for some people, that's the best thing. They need the quiet, and other people don't think that's right," she said.

Sometimes helping another person in need takes the attention off a person's own problems, the hospice suggests.

"We put so many expectations on us for the holiday -- we need to have a perfect Christmas, get the cards out, the dinner," Platson said. She suggested people can skip sending out Christmas cards if that's too much.

"If you get into the same tradition it makes the loss even greater. You feel it even greater because you realize the person isn't there. If you try to do the same thing, then I think the loss is exemplified," Platson said. "Try to maybe alter tradition sometimes, not totally change it but try something a little new. It doesn't have to be a drastic change but sometimes little changes."