MARSHA GOLDSTEIN Life Matters Advertisement

Your child will soon become a teenager. What to do? Read as many books about the subject as possible? Make a gigantic list of all the things to look for, to watch for, to talk about, to talk against ... stop ... relax ... listen.

Let's get real. You know the kid. Yes, it is true that your baby will be exposed to more now than ever before. You're worried -- of course you're worried.

You worry about your child's ability to make good judgments regarding friendships, peer pressure, drugs, sex, and all the rest when you are not there. Yes, you will be there less and less. Teenagers want to be with their friends. At this time they are testing the waters of relationships and behaviors.

Teenagers may not want to be with the family as much as before, but, there's no question about it, they want their family there for them. They need their family and they know it. And believe it or not, teenagers want structure and boundaries.

Yes, they may balk about the time they must be in or having adult supervision at a party. Teens who are given too much freedom are scared, confused and many times out of control. Teens want to know, like everyone else, that they are cared about and valued.

Parenting is a hard job. It is the most important job one will ever have. It takes time and energy ... lots of energy and thought and patience. Some parents get worn down, and saying yes to most things their teen wants to do seems the easier thing to do at the time. Some parents want to be their child's friend and pal around with them. This may happen for several reasons; one of which may be that the parent is trying to do over the relationship they had with their parents or the parent is having a hard time having a teenager and realizing his or her own chronological age.

Teens want parents to be parents. They know the difference. Many teens have been embarrassed by a parent who dresses and talks like a teen. Teens get the security to venture out into the world from their parents, or other most important people in their lives. They know that they will be there for them and help them sort out whatever comes up in this new phase of life.

Parents and teens need to talk. Mostly, teens need to talk and parents need to listen. By listening, parents get the inside track about how their teen is functioning in many areas. Teens may skip around from subject to subject. However, if you listen closely, a picture will emerge of how your teen is negotiating life.

Resist negative comments, as this may close the lines of communication. Resist the urge to step in and "fix" everything in your teen's life -- you can't and you shouldn't.

Accountability and problem-solving have to be learned first hand. However, be available to listen and give input when asked. The input would be helpful if it is directed to the feelings of your teen about the situation. Certainly, if your teen is at risk in any area, don't hesitate to step in no matter how much resistance is presented.

It is very important to know your teen's friends. Extend an invitation to your teen to bring friends home for dinner or just to hang out. It is important to know where your teen's friends live and with whom. Get the family name, address and phone number.

You can't be with your teen all the time. However, it is vital to their well-being to know who they spend time with.

Marsha Goldstein is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Board Certified Diplomate in private practice in Pahrump. She can be reached at (775) 751-9579.