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Top Story

Oct. 25, 2006

Don't avoid change -- learn how to prepare for it


MARSHA GOLDSTEIN
Life Matters




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If you are thinking about changing your life for the better, one way to start is to identify your goals.

It may be difficult for some at this point to be precise, so it could even be helpful to identify what you don't want. For instance, you may not want to stay in the job you have now, but haven't thought any further about a different career. What you do know is that what you are experiencing is not what you want and you don't want it to continue.

What you probably want is a sense of freedom, self-confidence and a sense of purpose in life. It is also enjoyable to be happy to get up in the morning and to enjoy satisfying relations. In other words, happiness and emotional well-being are sought after.

Change comes about when feelings are explored.

Some people have reported that they have gone many years knowing change needed to happen. For whatever reason, it didn't until the time was right. Change is not good or bad; it's just different. Change can bring on some anxiety. This isn't entirely negative. This very well may be the catalyst for a returning student to devote more time to study or to seek out a tutor. In the case of a person returning to the work force, some anxiety may be a catalyst to attending meetings, learning a new computer program or volunteering to steer a committee.

Once involved, the anxiety lessens and the work at hand takes over. This is when self-confidence and a sense of purpose come into play.

Is change easy? No. Does it take energy and planning? Yes. Many people meet change with resistance even though they profess to really want it. Many people say that they not only feel resistant but actually do things to keep their lives the same.

There are some things you can do to make yourself less resistant. One is to eliminate clutter. Clutter can be viewed as a sign of uncertainty. Accumulating "stuff" might be stopping you from committing to an important thing. If you are involved in a lot of half-started projects, it is difficult to zero in on the really important things.

Thinking of your overall goal may be overwhelming. To counteract this, choose one small part of it and do it. For instance, you've decided to get serious about incorporating walking as part of your daily routine. You start thinking about how many miles you will walk before you will get tired. You start wondering whether you have time and what you will have to give up because of the walking. Resistance is setting in.

Instead, focus in on one small part, say, purchasing good walking sneakers. It is important to take responsibility for what you want. Look for signs that you are blaming your situation on others or not admitting past mistakes. If this is the case, address it and move on. It is important to remind yourself of all your available options. You always have alternatives and the power to choose among them.

Change can be tremendous like marriage, divorce, adoption, moving cross country, or career change. It can also be confined to one's daily living and work schedule.

When change is wanted, it is important to explore feelings and to be open to new ideas. In addition, it is important to explore wishes and dreams and envision your future when the change or changes are made.

Change may put off some people. They may be envious of your decision and your follow-through. Don't let this get you down. Surround yourself with people who applaud your determination.

Marsha Goldstein, L.C.S.W., BCD, is a licensed clinical social worker, board-certified diplomate in private practice in Pahrump. She can be reached at (775) 751-9579.










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