How would you like to get along even better with others in your personal relationships and in the workplace? Let's break it down into some specific skills. People skills, also known as emotional intelligence, can be thought of as six specific skills.

The first skill is the ability to build others' self-esteem. When you are in a situation where you are made to feel good about yourself, you feel good. You can do the same with others. One way you can do this is by making eye contact. Look at others straight in the eyes. Call others by their name. If you don't remember their name or it was said too quickly, ask to have it repeated and say it again.

Everyone likes to receive compliments. Do not hesitate to compliment others in the workplace or in your personal relationships. However, be sincere and don't overdo it. Tell people that you appreciate them and say "thank you." It's amazing how far and to what depth those two little words go. Making people feel welcomed when they come to your home or workplace is another thing that bolsters self-esteem in others. It says you are valued and worthwhile and it is my pleasure to have you here. It's important to pay attention to what is going on in people's lives. Acknowledge milestones and express concern about difficult life situations. On the flip side, be ready to share in people's excitement.

The second skill is the ability to show empathy. Empathy means recognizing emotions in others. It is the capacity to put yourself in another person's shoes and understand how they view their reality and how they feel about things. People who are cut off from their emotions are unable to connect with people. It's like they are emotionally tone-deaf. No one wants to work with or have a relationship with such people because they have no idea how they affect others.

The third skill is the ability to encourage people to cooperate with each other.

Whether you're managing a family or a work group, there are some specific things you can do to create an environment where others work well together. One of the things is not to play favorites. It is vital to treat everyone the same. Otherwise, some people will not trust you. It is also important to ask for others' ideas as participation increases commitment. Always follow up on suggestions, requests, and comments, even if you are unable to carry out a request. Also, check for understanding when you make a statement or announcement. Don't assume everyone is with you. Make sure people have clear instructions for completion of tasks. Most importantly reinforce cooperative behavior. The fourth skill is assertive communication. Assertive communication is a constructive way of expressing feelings and opinions. People are not born assertive; their behavior is a combination of learned skills. Assertive behavior enables you to act in your own best interest.

It also enables you to stand up for yourself without becoming anxious. Assertive behavior is different from aggressive behavior in that it is self-expressive, honest, direct, and constructive not destructive. Assertive behavior includes both what you say and how you say it.

The fifth skill to help you build your people skills is to ask productive questions and demonstrate listening skills. Listening skills help you show that you are hearing and understanding another person. It also shows that you are interested in what he or she has to say.

The last skill is a communication skill called active listening. It is especially useful in emotional situations because it enables you to demonstrate that you understand what the other person is saying and how he or she is feeling about it. Active listening means restating, in your own words, what the other person has said. It's a check of whether your understanding is correct. It would be time well spent to develop these six skills to improve relationships in your personal life as well as in the workplace.

Marsha Goldstein L.C.S.W., BCD, is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Board Certified Diplomate in private practice in Pahrump. She can be reached at (775) 751-9579.