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As if our house wasn't crowded enough, now we've got another who has taken up residence. In her defense, she is only about 4 inches from the tip of her forelegs to the tip of her back legs. And, she doesn't actually reside in the house, but rather just to the right of our front door.

Hubby has taken at least 15 photographs of her already. Our dog and cats, like me, keep their distance. I would have stomped on her weeks ago, when she was a mere 2 inches long, but she stayed well hidden anytime I walked by or sat on the porch sipping tea.

Now she hangs out in full view, flaunting her size, knowing I'd rather not attempt to squash something so large and creepy.

She's the biggest spider I've ever seen up close and personal. The Discovery Channel could film a documentary from my front porch. Hubby reads her web in the morning in lieu of the morning paper.

Apparently, her web writing abilities are far more sophisticated than "Great Pig." According to Hubby, she weaves quite a story, including an accurate weather prediction for the day and stock summaries.

Her intricate webs must be working well. Judging by how much she's grown, she's getting plenty to eat. We're afraid to let our kitten, Spike, outside, for fear he might get caught in the web and end up the main course for Sunday brunch.

As I've already alluded, I would have stomped on her weeks ago given the chance. But Hubby won't have any of that. He reminds me that she is keeping our home free of bugs and mosquitoes and other nuisances.

And while I know in my heart Hubby is right, I can't help picturing how much poisonous venom she could inject if given the chance to sink her teeth into my children or me. I've already heard three different stories about people ending up in the emergency room because of spider bites this year.

When I bring these concerns to Hubby's attention, he counters with our need to respect our spider friend's habitat. If we don't disturb her, she won't disturb us. I seem to recall my dad stating the very same thing about bees when I was a child, about 12 seconds before I was stung on the hand.

I have no problem respecting the habitat of a spider, so long as the habitat is not my habitat. Three inches to the right of my front door is just a little too close for comfort.

And now that she has grown so large, Hubby is talking excitedly about our spider friend laying eggs. As if a thousand more 4-inch spiders crawling all over my front porch would be good news. My icy stare was met with assurance from Hubby that the baby spiders promptly leave the nest and travel far away to weave webs of their own.

Right. I've heard too many tales of children who wait forever to leave home, only to come back again several years later with families in tow. What makes him think spiders would be any different?

Now, I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea. I do like spiders. I am just not fond of spiders living between the wooden slats of my house. Walking into strands of sticky web on my way to get the morning paper is not exactly the highlight of my day, either.

But, Spider Solitaire is one of the best games ever invented. I am certain I've wasted at least two years of my life sliding virtual cards into numerical order with my mouse. I also think some webs are wonderful. What would we do without Web sites and the World Wide Web?

Seriously, I've seen some spectacular spider webs and beautifully marked spiders in my time. I grew up in a rural mountain community in northern New Jersey where I played in the woods amongst lots of creepy crawlers. Spiders seemed really cool 30 years ago.

As years passed, the childhood wonder I once felt about the creatures faded. Knowledge about the dangers of certain poisonous spiders, coupled with the protective nature of motherhood, sharpened my reflexes. Upon seeing a spider in or around my house, I tend to stomp without hesitation.

Maybe I won't squash Hubby's spider. As long as she keeps her distance and rids our home of other pests, I suppose she can stay. Maybe this spider will help me recapture my youthful appreciation for creatures of nature.

But if just one baby spider from her sac fails to leave my front porch ... SPLAT!

<i>Micki Bare is a columnist for the Arkansas News Bureau and the Courier-Tribune in Asheboro, N.C., and author of the book, "Relative Expressions. She lives in Asheboro with her husband and three children. Her e-mail address is mickibare@earthlink.net