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April 29, 2005
A bid to get in on the Nye consultant racket
I understand you folks love to hire consultants and you like to pay them well. I want in on this racket. I propose Nye County hire me as its "Consultant of Institutional Memory." I would be available at any time, night or day, for the tiny fee of $300 an hour plus expenses - that's a bargain compared to what you pay the 45,687 other consultants on the Nye County payroll. My area of expertise would be invaluable given the fact I've been around so long. We're all familiar with the old saying about those who fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it - I can be the guy that teaches you history and the sins and honest mistakes of the past. I could give you documented evidence that Nye County over the past 10 years has spent millions of dollars on consultant after consultant, study after study, and that we have little if anything to show for our expenses. I could regale you with tales of how past commissioners got duped by smooth-talking, suit-and-tie wearing con artists that earned big bucks and gave us very little bang in return. Now, about the contract we would need to sign. It would have to be huge. I would want to hire Peggy Warner and her 15 years experience as a top manager at the Pahrump Town Office. She'll need some good cash because her help would be invaluable. I would also have to lure quite a few county employees that I trust away from you guys because they know where a lot of the bodies are buried. That's going to cost you a pretty penny, but what the heck? Take it out of the PETT fund. I have at my disposal 35 years and five months of Pahrump Valley history at my fingertips. I don't know how much I would like my new job, or if I could really help you overburdened commissioners govern more effectively, but I've got a kid to put through college right now and another one that will be headed to a university in a few years. Nye County pays the kind of money that could help me do that very thing. I'm serious. Let's talk. I also understand you folks want to hire a public information officer to deal with the local media. I believe this is a splendid idea, but I also believe your organization has no idea what a public information officer does. Please allow me to provide a few qualifications you might want to consider during the interview process. A good public information officer has a fundamental belief in the First Amendment and the public's absolute right to know what its political leaders are up to. He or she is sensitive to just how much they can say to reporters, but they must have the integrity required to shoot straight and not dodge the hard questions. A good public information officer understands there will be hard questions. As the liaison between county officials and local reporters, the ideal public information officer must have a deep appreciation for the constant deadlines we reporters are under. That means phone calls are promptly returned. That means answers to our questions are made available to us in a timely fashion. A competent public information officer understands the journalist seeks nothing but the truth. A public information officer is loyal to his or her bosses, but they are equally loyal to their boss's constituents - which just happen to be the readers of the county's newspapers and viewers of the local television stations and listeners to the local radio station. A good public information officer possesses an abiding faith in open government and doesn't act as a shield for off-track elected officials or department heads. A good public information officer knows a dedicated reporter will follow the money to get the story, and some of us can spot a liar from a mile off - most of us refuse to be spoon-fed syrupy, feel-good drivel. A good public information officer understands the public can forgive almost any mistake; it just can't stomach lies, deceit and denial. A good public information officer appreciates the fact the media can be his or her best friend or worst enemy, it all depends on how the game is played. A good public information officer builds solid, trusting relationships with his or her bosses as well as the journalists waiting on the other end of his job description. A good public information officer doesn't speak off the top of his or her head. If an answer is unavailable then comment is withheld until more information is obtained. A good public information officer makes it a point to ensure all media outlets receive meeting notices in time to alert their readers or viewers or listeners before the meeting occurs. Finally, a good public information officer doesn't favor one media outlet over another - unless the media outlet being favored happens to be the Pahrump Valley Times. Please give serious consideration to my advice on hiring a public information officer. If you're interested in hiring me as the Nye County Consultant of Institutional Memory, please call me on my cell phone. You have the number. Very truly yours, Doug McMurdo Write to Doug McMurdo at dmcmurdo@pvtimes.com. |
