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March 5, 2004
Gay marriage and the Constitution
I doubt whether any of the local Pahrump preachers have either. While Pahrump hasn't gotten' into the wedding chapel business too much as have other Nevada communities, I doubt if the Rev. Carole Fucillo, owner of Forever More Wedding Chapel has performed same sex marriages either. I'm wondering how the ceremony would go. "You may kiss the bride. Uh, which one of you wants to play the bride?" I wouldn't want to play the best man, I don't want to look. "I now pronounce you man and ... man? Woman and woman?" Somehow I have visions of former basketball star and bad boy Dennis Rodman standing there in his bridal dress. At least Rodman can boast he was married to Carmen Elektra for five months, a woman who might even convince me, a confirmed bachelor, to pick up a wedding ring. If they really want to bestow benefits on their loved one, why don't they just fill out a living will? Then again, San Francisco is the center for gays in America. The San Francisco Chronicle seems to focus on gay issues, like the San Jose Mercury-News highlights the computer industry, the Houston Chronicle talks about the oil business and the Las Vegas Review-Journal is a good source for gaming news. I haven't heard much about a Pahrump gay community, other than rumors the old Bummers bar was a lesbian hangout. I didn't frequent that bar much to verify if that's true, but I did see a couple pretty good fights break out there. Do we need a constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage? Hell no! Don't mess with the Constitution! They changed the constitution in 1919 to ban alcohol and look what happened. I'd rather have the U.S. government find a way out of Iraq, reduce the budget deficit or find a way to put more people to work. While I'm not crazy about the idea of gay marriage, I'm not going to enforce my morality on somebody else by voting in favor of a constitutional amendment. It may not be popular in Pahrump, but it probably is in San Francisco. Besides, it'll take a majority vote by two-thirds of the states to approve the amendment. I remember how tough it was for proponents to pass the Equal Rights Amendment in the 1970s; so tough it failed. What force does a marriage certificate carry nowadays anyway? Hollywood stars change husbands and wives as often as we put a new tag on our license plates. I think I'm like a lot of heterosexuals who don't mind if the gays do their thing, as long as they don't flaunt it in public. I understand they have a neighborhood in Las Vegas with gay bars. The "don't ask, don't tell" philosophy that President Clinton implemented in the military right after taking office probably works well in regular life, too. One of the newest television shows is "Queer Eye for the Straight Gay." I guess we must be getting pretty desperate for TV entertainment. I never tuned it in and probably never will. I always remember a guy in high school; we called him a "fem," who held his books up against his chest, like the girls, instead of by his side like the rest of us guys. I wondered if he was just born that way. Who would've known actor Rock Hudson was gay after he played all those masculine roles like the movie "Giant?" But who cares? You like his movies or you don't. I figured the girls at one of our local brothels could probably tell me a few stories about their customers' perverted fantasies that would make a gay person's sex life look pretty ordinary. I was right. While visiting the Leghorn Bar at the Chicken Ranch one night, a local prostitute explained how one customer wanted to dress up in baby diapers and be spanked in front of a number of other hookers. Another customer wanted her to blow a whole pack of cigarettes in his face; it left a brown ring around his nose. News reports say the gay marriage craze in San Francisco is spurring a boom in the local hotel industry and the floral business. I understand the movement is spreading. Now Portland, Ore., is performing same sex marriages. A town in New Mexico made the news doing the same thing, while the mayor of New Paltz, N.Y., is being threatened with a year in jail for performing 19 gay marriages. That led Tonight Show host Jay Leno to joke about how many gay marriages he'd perform behind bars. Then again, I'm not approaching the subject from a strictly religious background. The good book says God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve. (Sorry to anybody named Steve). Then again, I doubt whether those gay couples in San Francisco have read the Book of Genesis recently. (Write to Mark Waite at mwaite@pvtimes.com.) |
