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December 12, 2003
Today's Internet: All spam, all the time
Judging by the number of messages on the Internet I had waiting for me following the four-day Thanksgiving weekend, I may be one of the first to sign up under the new bill. There were 285 messages waiting for my perusal when I got into the office that Monday morning, so many it took probably 10 minutes for the computer to finish listing them all. Lately, I've turned off my e-mail while working on stories so I'm not bothered by that beep and the message "you have new mail." I decided to list the 285 messages by various categories. Information on penile enlargements won out, with 37 messages. How they ever got the impression I needed one, is beyond me. I certainly didn't write in for any sort of body part enhancements or reductions, as is the trend among some fashionable people, although I could probably use liposuction by now after eating all those burritos. The penile enlargements won out over second place, advertisements for a new kind of Viagra. It has one of those names where they use the asterisk symbol. The advertisement for fat reduction amounted to 10 messages. The most common remedy touts it "as seen on NBC, CBS, CNN, even Oprah!" Then there's the herbal patch that melts the pounds away. Another 10 messages came across for aging medicine. Maybe the advertisers can see the way I look typing out these stories late at night. A message that has begun appearing recently offers access to free cable television. Funny, but there isn't even cable TV where I live in Pahrump. If it was free, why was someone bothering to send me the e-mail advertising the product? I believe Congress just passed a law banning the sale of prescription drugs over the Internet. I still had eight messages about that over Thanksgiving weekend. One advertised Vicodin, Ionamin and Viagra, with requests received by 2 p.m. Eastern Standard Time delivered by the next day. The computer companies are trying to interest me in new software, with seven inquiries. But I must have some class; I've received seven advertisements about buying classic paintings. Then there are the debt reduction schemes and plugs for cheap mortgage rates. How about the opportunity to make $10,000 per week at home? I had about three offers from each one of those schemes. Another new one offers me the chance to get a college diploma. Those must be the "diploma mills" I heard about. I wonder if any public officials here used one in applying for a job. There's the spam that talks about the compact disc that's contributing to the decay of society. I'm sure there are quite a few of those. Only one message asked me if I wanted to see porn, although over the weeks I've had promotions for some alleged Paris Hilton sex tape. Ironically, I had seven advertisements for a computer program to block spam. I'm now getting spammed by messages telling me how to get rid of spam! That's how bad things have become. Many of the messages offer me the chance to click on a line to avoid getting any more messages. But the little hand that pops up, allowing me to click on that line never shows up. So it looks like I can't just tell them no. Some of the messages are addressed to me, others are addressed to people in the same system, for example others in my old e-mail address through the Las Vegas Review-Journal. I get those for shopping on e-Bay or other on-line businesses. One of the spam messages told me I could learn to make a fortune with eBay, with a complete turn key system. I'd be deathly afraid of how many junk e-mails I'd get if I started actually ordering merchandise on-line. Another new tactic, mock news articles, like this one for a new stock, "SPECIAL ALERT: DMTY STRIKES GAS AT FIRST DRILLED WELL!" Unfortunately, while going through the list and hitting the delete button, I delete some I could actually use. I appreciate the U.S. Attorney General sending me information on the indictments in Nevada federal courts, which are interesting, although none of them have been from Pahrump - yet. Seven personal e-mails were actually on the Internet. I appreciate that. Actually there is one product that I may be even interested in buying. It's a mini key chain Breathalyzer, which with the new .08 blood-alcohol level could come in handy some New Year's Eve. I've often wondered why bars don't have such equipment on hand, so people know how much they've had to drink. I guess Internet spam is another sign of how a technological innovation that's supposed to help us can actually hinder us by promoting someone's junk advertising. It's like how telemarketers and automated receptionists drive us nuts on the telephone. So hurry George and sign that bill. Give me the phone number to call or the e-mail address. Until then, it's like Monty Python said: It's not just spam and the baked beans, it's spam, spam, spam, spam, and spam. Write to Mark Waite at mwaite@pvtimes.com. But please, no spam. |
